Date Letter

__/__/__

Dear Date;

In order for me to better understand your preferences during this all-important period of first impressions, please fill out and return the form below at your earliest convenience. Thank you.

Check any and all items guaranteed to win your heart:

Trinkets
Songs and other works of art dedicated to your many positive attributes
Endless small personal favors
Safe ’n’ Sane flirting
Billboards and/or advertisements in various media proclaiming my affection for you
Seizing control of the relationship for myself
Ceding complete control of the relationship to you
Constant gamesmanship over power and control issues
Donations to charity in your name
Showers of clothing, jewelry, and/or housewares
Sporadic outright cash grants
Continuous outright cash grants
Sexual services without annoying emotional encumbrances
Emotional nurturing without bothersome sexual obligations
Emotional caring, psychological supportiveness … and great sex
Wonderful conversations where we exchange opinions
Wonderful conversations where I do all the talking
Wonderful conversations where you do all the talking
Platonic lunches, museum visits, help on moving day
Dinners for two, drives up the coast, picnics at the beach
Touches, hugs, kisses, and/or other physical demonstrations of caring and concern
A tiny set of colored plastic wrenches for repairing imaginary homesick robots
Feigning total obliviousness to your existence

Your cooperation is very much appreciated in this matter.

Greg Raven
(signed)