Help Bendix!

July 13, 1989

John Smith
123 Any Street
Los Angeles, CA 90000

Dear Mr. Smith;

You’re white. You’re rich. You’re totally Eighties. In short, life is your oyster.

Others are not so fortunate, and that’s why we’re writing to you. Won’t you help us? We are attempting to provide assistance for the less fortunate in society.

Take as an example, this year’s poster child: Bendix Beiterby.

Bendix, an aging non-pre-professional, has had poor luck all his life. As a young man, he was kidnapped by Indians and turned into an Alien. More recently, Bendix has lost what meager savings he had in an ill-advised business venture that tried to build a nation-wide string of motels for off-duty parade dogs.

True, Bendix’s misfortures are his own darn fault, but really, can we blame him? (The answer isn’t important right now; just look at this poor man!) Bendix needs your help, and he needs it now.

What can you do? Take this complimentary mini-poster of Bendix and keep it by your bed. At midnight on June 31, 1994, clutch it to your breast and say the words Money flows to Bendix three times. It may not seem like much, but believe me, it means the world to Bendix.

May Your Aura Be Ever Bright …

Greg Raven
Bueno Loco, CA